its a little lonely out here when i take the time to think about it, i only have one really good friend who has been friends with me through everything. i feel like i want better friends but i fail to be a really good friend. but my spanish is getting somewhat better, i get very self conscious when i have to read out loud and i dont really like it, and i hate be corrected by other students. ugh i hate not being able to be up to date like everyone else, it takes me so much more work than the rest of them. so many times i have wanted to quit and throw in my towel but i have come so far and just dont want to give up so easily when i am learning. i just need to keep going at this head strong. i took an anxiety screening test today, to only realize that i have way too much and that what i go through really isn't that normal. so i have an appointment but im a little nervous and not really sure what to expect. i hate talking about the past and crap back home. i just want to know how to fix it and whats wrong with me. pretty soon im gonna have a doctor for everything, they're always coming out with something new so i can perfect my self and its so hard to not want to buy in and become a perfect me. but then i think about it and how its really not worth it. i need to perfect what i have and be stronger. i love dancing i just dont think its something that im very good at though i have been trying for so long and i just don't think im getting anywhere. maybe its time to leave and find something else to love. like dive club. i really wanna give that a go and see if i can't dedicate my time to a whole new concept.