mums

so lately i have been feeling really down about how i look and that im carrying a little extra weight around on my stomach, well tonight it finally caught up to me and i just couldn't take it, so i called mom and cried my eyes out and told her i just felt like a fat cow, i can't help but look over pictures and obsessed with my stomach. i just feel bad that i work out my legs a lot and ride my bike everywhere but still have a puge it kills me. but mom said that i was the most photogentic and that i looked pretty. that satan is putting these thoughts in my head and making me feel worthless that hes trying his hardest to bring me down to his misery. this could just be a chance for me to receive blessings but i must over come something to know that i can do anything with the Lords help.mom was telling me how she never wanted to lose a child and she lost Lizzy and how she never wanted to raise kids on her own when dad got sick when i was about 10, when princess di died. but God gave them a chance to receive  blessings and know that they could over come their obstacles and make things happen. that people dont know how to take my hipper self and sometimes feel intimated or jealous and don't ever see the self conscious side and know that i have doubts and worries just like anyone else. Mom also said that its symbolic how i stand out, that my spirit also will and does stand out and the lord has great things planned for me, that i just need to be worthy and doing the preparation needed so that when the time comes i can receive the blessings. i am meant to do great things i just need to be ready to go when the lord calls. this just isn't the time in my life when i suppose to find that someone. that i need to do my schooling and concentrate on what makes me happy and do and finish what i can.

i talked to Ethan earlier he was so funny running around screaming he was taking a poop when i called ahah. Seth said he was so excited that he peed at church he was telling people about it, ahha, hi sarah, in this quiet little voice comes after he gets in trouble for being so loud. ahah. i love that precious little boy hes so intelligent. he asked where i was, he wanted to come and see me, i told him i was in the ocean so he wanted to go swimming im gonna hop on a plane and come see you ahaa, hes so sweet, little Ella too. i asked him to make noises of animals and he kept just saying no, aaha  and then that he was a tunnel. so cute, i love that kid . i told him i was going to call him back and hes like bye sarah. he loves it i love you. aha i love talking to him hes so smart i can't wait to see him again training baby Ella.