wow

wow, so people thought high school was bad, well its only bad because you can't escape, college is just as sucky, i guess i have been kicked out of my social group completely i go outside to talk to them, and well they don't really say anything to me, just drive off to go pick up carlos, i guess since he was part of the origianl group i can't come along to play games anymore. which is really too bad because i would have loved to. but sometimes lifes just not very fun and i guess im not always going to be invited to things. now i know how i make other people feel when i do this to them, it really is time to move on and turn another chapter in my life. i need to be strong carry on and do my own thing. i guess this is when we really find out what people are made of. i need to be strong and remember who i am and know that i will always be a daughter of God so its about time i start acting like one, i need to be conscience that there are people who are left out of the loop just like me, i need to spend the time getting to know them and asking them whats up instead of being a snob and too busy.

can we

how can we come together as a human race if we fail to communicate with eachother, granite some things are better left unsaid, hate ful things and extra. but if you have a problem with someone do you not feel better to get it off your chest rather than go and tell someone else. i feel better when i talk to that person, or when i talk it over with one close friend, i try not to make my problems public but i have a big mouth. i'm working very hard at it now,and keeping things to my journal or my parents. that way it doesn't come back and hit me in the face like that golf club which i think has left my head funny shaped and swollen. i have a terrible head ache on that side of the head and well it may be because i got hit so hard. who knows. oh well. one thing i do hate is how much my house mate worries and complains about certain things, its so silly. she freaked out about our landlords coming over and checking the house not that they are going to do anything. since the house looks ok. i was just like it will be ok, it will be fine. and heaven forbid they have to walk anywhere, its so hard having to walk everywhere and they get all upset when i just walk everywhere and don't bother asking for a ride. um hmm its like its ok its not a big deal and i feel more comfortable this way. i like to walk to have time to think and be left with my thoughts. i am super excited about Latino club and being the Vice president. it will be very fun getting to do something this coming school year and being a part of a club. i like to know i belong to something that has a great deal of meaning to me. i am working on moving on and not being hurt by people and their behavior, its ok i just need to learn that sometimes i am too much, and that fact that other people are too much to me, it lets me know how other people feel. if i think its not a ok thing to say, then i should not. because when it comes out, man i feel dumb. i should not comment on my friends, friends or family its too weird, i need to work on keeping the friends i have and not being so worried about other people. its ok to reconnect with people, but dont' force it.

...

i spent so much time and effort trying to keep jordan in my life to only have him leave me for good, i guess its fine and really time to move on and just let him go, clancey too and maybe even being friends with Chris people just change so much and well dont really care to keep up with me anymore, if im not there and a part of their daily lifes, they figure why care? and well i can't blame them. but i just wish that i had a friend that i could fall on and know that had my back, i know i have rach but i dont wanna ruin her now happy life, she is finally just getting things to be ok.  i did have the chance to snorkel sunset twice it was so lovely and i did get to spend time with eddie it was very sweet, i enjoyed it. i dont think i realize how lonely i am until some one comes up, and do i miss my family i guess but after a while you just learn to live with it and know that you are old enough to get over it and make it work.

late night cleaning

life, so i decided that its really not worth my time to keep people around that can't take being my friend. i know i am a very intense person and am always going non stop but thats just who i am, i try to be a good friend and i have a long way to go and need to improve upon it. i realize at times that i am social awkard and sometimes don't really know how to act, and im so use to people blaming me for anything that goes wrong or does not turn out the way its suppose to i have almost come to expect it and just be like ok. its so worthless feeling sorry for myself after watching that amazing movie i can't i have so much, even though my mother has an odd way of dealing with life, at least shes alive and healthy as far as i can tell. although i can really only remember happy moments with my father of my childhood i still love my mom and know that she loves me. i should know better by now to stay up too late and watch movies that are going to make me cry because then i just become a big al sappy mess. but i have to make something great out of my life, to show to everyone that im not a waste, to show my teachers that their work did do some good for me. i want my siblings to follow in my footsteps and want to get their schooling done too, i feel like i need to stay here and get my bachelores. even if its not what i want it in anymore, i need to stop transfering schools and messing around, i have my whole life to figure things out but i need to get my basics, done i need to be strong and know the lord does have a plan i just need to be ready and willing to accept what he has to offer for me. i can't afford not to take in the lords blessings. i need to take on the world with him at my side. for i am weak and can not do these things alone.

jogging

so i pretty much just crashed at the house all day and did nothing, i finished up my online homework and attempted to do my reading and finish all that up , but i just couldn't keep my eyes open it was ridiculous so i feel asleep, but then convinced the roomies to get pizza, yummy so good, i went for a nice long walk along the beach, and found a cute friend named bobby. he was a tiny little crab and i picked him up and he tried pinching me. Pero mi fingers es grande el cound not. it was funny and kinda cute and he tried to defend himself, well i went walking and even climbed up the stairs to run into freds son whatever his name is. very nice kid and i m sure hes swell to hang out with, but the fact that hes freds son just freaks me out a little bit so i can't really find my self cooing up to him for company.  i picked some crap out the ocean it was gross this one area was just a little swampy nasty piece it freaked me out but i tried to pull the trash out.