late night cleaning

life, so i decided that its really not worth my time to keep people around that can't take being my friend. i know i am a very intense person and am always going non stop but thats just who i am, i try to be a good friend and i have a long way to go and need to improve upon it. i realize at times that i am social awkard and sometimes don't really know how to act, and im so use to people blaming me for anything that goes wrong or does not turn out the way its suppose to i have almost come to expect it and just be like ok. its so worthless feeling sorry for myself after watching that amazing movie i can't i have so much, even though my mother has an odd way of dealing with life, at least shes alive and healthy as far as i can tell. although i can really only remember happy moments with my father of my childhood i still love my mom and know that she loves me. i should know better by now to stay up too late and watch movies that are going to make me cry because then i just become a big al sappy mess. but i have to make something great out of my life, to show to everyone that im not a waste, to show my teachers that their work did do some good for me. i want my siblings to follow in my footsteps and want to get their schooling done too, i feel like i need to stay here and get my bachelores. even if its not what i want it in anymore, i need to stop transfering schools and messing around, i have my whole life to figure things out but i need to get my basics, done i need to be strong and know the lord does have a plan i just need to be ready and willing to accept what he has to offer for me. i can't afford not to take in the lords blessings. i need to take on the world with him at my side. for i am weak and can not do these things alone.