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i spent so much time and effort trying to keep jordan in my life to only have him leave me for good, i guess its fine and really time to move on and just let him go, clancey too and maybe even being friends with Chris people just change so much and well dont really care to keep up with me anymore, if im not there and a part of their daily lifes, they figure why care? and well i can't blame them. but i just wish that i had a friend that i could fall on and know that had my back, i know i have rach but i dont wanna ruin her now happy life, she is finally just getting things to be ok.  i did have the chance to snorkel sunset twice it was so lovely and i did get to spend time with eddie it was very sweet, i enjoyed it. i dont think i realize how lonely i am until some one comes up, and do i miss my family i guess but after a while you just learn to live with it and know that you are old enough to get over it and make it work.